by Catholic Columnist, Faith Addington
Despite what it might seem, the concept of chastity was not invented by a religious figure for control, rather, for our own benefit, so that we might be able to experience true love. What is true love? The first important distinction to be made is between love and feelings. Feelings are the physical and emotional attraction for the good qualities of another. Feelings are not an untruth because those positive qualities do exist to a degree. However, they are superficial because it is the attraction to another’s idealized qualities. We have all heard the saying, “love is blind,” however, this is simply not true. Feelings are blind because they are unable to see anything past the exaggerated good whereas love is not blind. Love, according to Thomas Aquinas, is to “will the good of another over your own.” It means that love – unlike feelings that are only present in the good times – is the choice to give yourself fully (mind, body and spirit) to another person, despite the hard times; something that cannot be done without the full commitment of marriage.
Now, when a man and women begin to lust for one another, they begin viewing the other in terms of objectification. Instead of appreciating the beauty of the other – such as one would appreciate a beautiful piece of art – they begin to regard him/her by the pleasure that can be received. The person no longer is concerned with what is best for the other, rather, his/her own enjoyment. This kind of relationship will shatter the instant another person comes around that can offer more enjoyment, more pleasure. This cannot be true love.
True love is centered around commitment. It is when husband and wife are bound to each other until death through the sacred vow of matrimony. They are committed to serving each other through pain, anger, hardships, even dislike for one another. For this reason, sex is saved for marriage. As the culmination of complete self-giving, it can only be fully enjoyed within the bounds of marriage where there is complete commitment: true love. A sexual relationship outside of matrimony will cause anxiety, selfishness and a lower self-esteem. This is not the life God intended for us to have. To clarify, sex in itself, is not a sin. It is the act of putting your own selfish wants above the good of those around you; the act of using another for your own pleasure without the intention of fully committing yourself to that person. Chastity was given to us as a gift so that we might come to know the fullness of true love in this lifetime.
The Saint 