Opinion: Why I Hate Minions

By Kati Doering

You know what I’m talking about. Those yellow stubby toes with oversized goggles and poor fashion taste (I mean you had to have seen that one’s swimming suit in the beach scene of the new movie, it was absolutely grotesque and NSFW). Their language is a mixture of “real-life languages,” like Spanish and French,  and is more complicated than English. Yet, their main vocabulary consists of “bananas” and variants of syllables like “ba,” “bee,” and “doh.” In recent months, these things have taken pop culture by storm, devouring Anna and Elsa and every other cartoon character in their wake. If you’re on Facebook, you’ve no doubt seen a “so relatable” minion meme shared by your middle aged mother and her suburban housewife friend, Sharon. It’s like everywhere I turn, I am surrounded by those blue, overall-wearing monsters. They’re plastered onto food packaging, they’re living in the toy aisle of every Walmart, even Kotex entertained the idea of “Minions tampon.” How could we let this happen? How could we let minions take over America?

With all the children’s movies and shows that have been produced in the 21st century, you’d think there would be something you don’t get tired of seeing. Frozen was a great movie for young girls, geared towards feminism and family. Due to the popularity of the movie, companies went overboard with consumerism and printed the heroines’ faces onto anything they could find. Despicable Me is going down the same exact path and careening off a cliff into a fiery blaze. The people who created minions are profiting millions, if not billions. Why? Just because these dopey idiots say stupid phrases and play around with fart guns? There isn’t even a solid moral or a point to any of the actions the minions commit. What can children learn from them? There are movies that came out the same time as Despicable Me/Minions that are far more enjoyable that should have earned the same amount of respect and praise. The Princess and The Frog was the first Disney movie to feature a black princess, which is a big deal to many young girls of color who aren’t represented in pop culture. Yet, its reach wasn’t as broad as the minions. Big Hero 6 dealt with loss and grief as well as awareness of depression. But, the minions left Baymax obsolete as well. Why did this happen? Why have good movies with lessons to be learned and actual story lines get cut from the limelight? It could be because of socio economic forces beyond our proletarian control. Minions are the best way to advertise, I mean when was the last time you saw Merida from Brave on a McDonald’s Big Mac box? Corporations choose what they want to advertise and that publicizes the franchise even more. Basically, if kids like it, it’s going to be everywhere and you won’t be able to escape.

So even though we’ll probably be seeing those annoying twinkies until the end of 2015 (although I wish it were sooner), there are other movies and shows with sustenance to look forward to, like Steven Universe, Dragonball Z, and Goosebumps. Don’t let the minions and their capitalism get you down. Too much.

About the Writer…11079606_385343918314635_3629258688471779104_n

Kati Doering is a sophomore majoring in English with a focus in Creative Writing. She is also the Vice President of Uke Knighted. In her free time, Kati enjoys playing video games, making fun of horror movies, and eating herweight in pizza. 

Categories: Opinion

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