“My Pants” by Tom Doetsch

Two paths diverged in a dark plane
I only wish I could go one way
Curiosity snagged away my pain
I had to understand the arcane
Thus I set out, on my way to play.

I slid into the first one, feeling a dark chill
It was comforting, yet lifeless and stiff
I looked down – all the way downhill
Its twin was loud, like a fire drill
I walked closer, till I tripped into the cliff!

Finally, both had come on just right
One warm one cold, it felt very odd
One tight, one loose, it was quite the sight
I was on my way out for the night
When I realized, it was all a facade.

This material I was wearing,
Was no more than a sham!
The damn thing was tearing
So I stood there comparing
Till I threw on some shorts then had to scram.